Don't I Seem Smart?
Dig this: How To Seem Smarter
According to this, the best and most effective way to seem smarter is to talk less! Whoo! I hardly talk at all in most settings, so I must seem like a dang ol' brainiac, and I never even knew it! And the second step is to be an active listener. Again, that's me, dude! I spend 95% of most interactions at the mercy of talkative folks, listening politely and pretending to seem interested. Well, to be honest, what I usually do would be best described as pseudo-listening; I couldn't really honestly say that what I do could be active listening in any sense of the word, which would connote that I give the other person the impression that I heard and understood what was just said.
But really, when I'm around really talkative people, I easily tune out. I've nurtured a keen talent for checking out of peoples' monologues, but keeping one ear cocked and listening for certain verbal cues that tell me that I should give a nod or a "hmmm." Kind of an assholian trait, but I wasn't born equipped with the ability or desire to participate in what I call competitive conversation, where the participants talk over each other and interrupt a lot and that type of thing; I just don't have it in me. So it's usually me listening to someone else's monologue, marking time and waiting for an appropriate time to make an exit.
Which is another question I have for y'all: do you have any strategies for gracefully exiting a conversation? I find it really hard to do unless it happens naturally be some outside stimulus (phone ringing, etc.). There's one guy I know that has a trait that I really admire: he just turns and leaves during a conversation. Doesn't matter what the other person is saying; he just turns around and leaves. Most people aren't offended, but rather seem to permit it as some sort of eccentricity. It's rude as shit, sure, but I must say, pretty fascinating.
In an effort to make such exits easier, I've been giving some serious thought to fabricating a device to help me: I'd rig up a cell phone with a wire that goes under my shirt with a little touch-activated electrode stuck to my skin. During the conversation, when I decided I want to leave, I'd just reach up as if to scratch my torso, and give the electrode a little pressure, causing the cell phone to ring. Shazam! Conversation over. Although I suppose it would just be easier to carry around a cell phone and tell people it's ringing but that I have it set to vibrate.
However, I would be lying to you if I told you I wasn't considering the obvious conversation-exiting benefits that babies bring. I'm not saying that I'm gonna train our baby to get me out of conversations, but when it does happen, you best believe I'm gonna take advantage of it: "Whup! Little Junior just shit his drawers. I'll have to catch up with you later."
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You must check out the new, revamped WäntageUSA web presence. Top-shelf design and functionality by my buddy Hank, and good writings on there by Josh Vanek concerning everything associated with putting out records.
This lady has a real unfortunate name. But at least her research interests include anaerobic metabolism in mudskippers.
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fIREHOSE- Mr. Machinery Operator
(Sony, 1993)
Cheers to the new WantageUSA design! As they say on Yalestar: "Real top-shelf quality, there bro!"
- R'k June 14, 2004 09:09Recently, I started a new job and I am desperately trying to negotiate conversation disengaging techniques from my fellow new employees. One in particular just talks for a bit and then stares quite uncomfortably into your eyes without saying anything. I can't figure out if it is appropriate to leave or the staring is fishing for a response or whatever. But the stare really prevents one from delicately leaving the field of conversation without possibly hurting that person's feelings. I have been trying to break the stare by looking at a book or something on my computer but I am not quite sure if this is working. You don't want to seem a putz to your new co-workers that you have deal with day in and day out. They might be thinking, “Yeah, that new guy is nice, but did you ever notice when you are talking to him he stares at the computer screen?â€Â
That baby idea seems like a good one. Where can I get one I can bring to work?
- R'k June 14, 2004 09:18Yeah, a staredown really does make the breakaway pretty difficult, plus makes it that much more awkward. I remember reading somewhere that if you reverse the body language of the person from whom you're trying to disengage, they will get the hint and bring it to an end. I say this is grade-A bullshit, and your example only proves me right.
I'm finding that particularly in office environments, people are so lonely and desperate for someone to listen to them that they don't even realize that they're standing there bogarting your time and prattling on about nothing.
- Sparky Gonzales June 14, 2004 09:42The other overly communicative co-worker just talks and talks with east coast hand jestures over and over. It is obvious she can tell she has a problem and I can she is making an effort to be sensitive to others but I think she doesn't realize that everyone's fuse is a little shorter than she thinks it is. So I am giving her space to finish her conversating so she can remove herself from the exchange to ruminate on it later perhaps to the benefit of us all.
- R'k June 14, 2004 11:15I commonly refer to these types of people as "Power Talkers". Conversing with a Power Talker is to know the dubious pleasures of a "Dialogue Prison". That's somewhat of a misnomer, since there's no dialogue taking place -- it's more like a quasi-interactive monologue prison.
Another person I dread encountering is the "Apocryphal Information Warehouse" (AIW). These people enjoy spewing forth interesting tidbits, and facts, that cannot possibly be true. A good example of a AIW is Josh Henderson (BURN!!)
-DK
- David of Big Meadow June 14, 2004 15:29>quasi-interactive monologue prison
I agree wholeheartedly with Dave on this one. Everyone has an aquaintance who is a power-talker. If not, consider yourself lucky. These people are usually a friend or fringe-friend, who for whatever reason, seem to have a complete inability to pick up on visual clues from their "listener". With seasoned power-talkers, one can sit staring into space making no attempt and conversaton and they will still be talked at. Its as if a part of their brain is missing that allows them to know when to shut the hell up. Although, maybe they think of non-talkers with the ssame disdain.
- TJames June 14, 2004 19:11While I commend your use of a thesaurus, Dave, I hasten to point out that most everything seems "apocryphal" to those who only read books with pictures in them.
- Joshorse June 14, 2004 21:45A good example of a AIW is Josh Henderson
If the man called Joshorse is into it, I'd like to start The AIW Society. Encyclopedia readers, unite!
- mhaze June 15, 2004 10:19Encyclopedia readers, unite!
Read?! Why not write? You checked out Wikipedia, the open-content encyclopedia?
- Joshorse June 15, 2004 15:30That goddamn Wikipedia is where it's at. Hardly a week goes by where I don't find myself printing off a Wikipedia article to take into the terlet at work.
"Today I think I'll learn about the Erie Canal whilst I crap."
- Yarkle June 16, 2004 07:47As an information professional, I wholeheartedly endorse this knowledge circlejerk about the wikipedia.
I like the random page option to boost my cocktail conversation knowledge drops.
- R'k June 16, 2004 14:02