A neighbor mows another neighbor's lawn without their knowledge, because they are somehow offended or fear the spread of weeds, namely dandelions. Is this behavior acceptable?

- stets November 24, 2003 16:57

I have a crazy uncle who noticed his neighbor's lawn was getting pretty tall, so he took his mower over there and, as a joke, mowed in 15 ft. letters: LAZY.

Weird neighborhood. They're always messing with each other like that. They have a gung-ho competition on big ass Xmas decorations, too.

- Hollywood Haze November 24, 2003 17:05

Stetso- I would go with unacceptable on that. Maybe if Neighbor A had made his concerns known about dandelion infestation at some point prior to the stealth mow, it would be a little more acceptable. And anyway, if Neighbor A keeps on top of his own lawn, the dandelion spread onto his yard should be fairly minimal, I would think.

Haze- that is the type of neighborhood story that warms a brother's heart. My parents' neighborhood has similar peculiarities. One of their neighbors is Errol Mann, who played for the Raiders and kicked a crucial field goal in the '76 Super Bowl. He is fond of gesturing such that his Super Bowl ring is in your face at all times. Anyway, he and my dad had a rather prolonged and spirited Ford vs. Dodge debate, as many men are wont to do. They gave each other shit about it for years. It culminated in Errol somehow affixing a Dodge nameplate to my dad's Ford. Much non-ambiguous heterosexual hilarity was said to have ensued.

For as long as I've known him, Errol has been a major rummy and chain smoker. You used to see him merrily staggering from yard to yard with a Coors in a coozie in one hand and a lung-dart in the other, regaling the 'hood with his many heroic NFL yarns. However, he has quickly morphed from a jolly, semi-pleasant drunk to an extremely crotchety, paranoid asshole. Now he won't even talk to my parents and he now spends most of his weekends hollering at the neighbors' dogs and at his wife. He has a Lexus that he washes every weekend of the summer, but nobody has ever seen him actually drive it.

- Trang Willinghurst November 24, 2003 21:46

I'm on back-porch drinking terms with my neighbors and think they're good people, so I was really shocked when the Mr. said, "Do you want me to come over and help you with your yard? It's kind of getting out of hand." Well, excuse the fuck outta me if trimming something that will only grow back in a week is at the bottom of my list of priorities! (Actually, my yard-sale mower had quit the summer before and I didn't have the bread to purchase a new one. But lawn care, like mathematics, truly is something I can't comprehend.)

So this otherwise completely laid-back individual admitted yards were the one thing he was anal about, and he went on to compare my hedges to Don King's hair. He was nice about it, so I reluctantly borrowed his mower. I'm just not the kind of person who gives a crap about such things, but you'd be surprised how many of them are out there--and some of them are actually normal, decent Amurrikins.

- Dandy Lion November 25, 2003 09:33

Amers and I used to live on phillips a few block from lowell school, we had these really old neighbors that would could come out on their hands and knees and trim the grass along the sidewalk with scisors.

One day neighbor comes over and tells me he placed his fence, 50 years ago, 6 inches his side of the actual property line, making 6 inches of my lawn his property. Then he starts telling me I can either get that 6 inches trimmed up and keep it trimmed or he was going to do it for me.

Well one thing led to another and I litterally thought I was going to have fight the guy, here is this 80 year old man, in a osteo perma hunch, telling me he was going to "show me what it was like." I told him to walk away before I called the cops.

Next thing you know animal control shows up to take away my "vicious rotweiler". I told the lady, I uh, dont have a rotweiler, and the neighbors that called are crazy.

- stets November 25, 2003 11:24

Actual Church signs sighted in Pootland, OR.

TGIF: Thank God I'm Forgiven

and

KILLING TIME IS BURYING YOUR FUTURE!

I actually like the second one.

In sign related news, my (not) friendly neigbor hood tavern, The Jockey Club is rumored to be closing/closed. This is too bad because their readerboard had hilarious messages changed weekly. I can't remember too many offhand, but for instance:

BUSH: PULL OUT LIKE YOUR DADDY SHOULD HAVE

and currently

THE PLACE WHERE FRESH AIR GOES TO DIE

- Snakebutt, ESQ November 25, 2003 21:57

they are gay.....faggots!

- babspmap November 25, 2003 23:34

shrapnel and shrink makes me think that some ones dink ain't as large as a other fellows barge

- corp cornell November 25, 2003 23:39

Here in Denver, there's a Chinese restaurant on the conrer of Colorado Blvd. and Martin Luther King Blvd. The name of this eatery is Ho Mei Chinese food...rather entertaing considering the neighborhood demographics...

- Ham Neck November 26, 2003 10:19

Couple of things just because studying seems about as savory as undressed leftover turkey escorted by two slices of stale Merita. But for the fortuitous adornment of a Fela Kuti T-shirt, I might have wandered the halls of Tulane's Environmental Law Clinic for months oblivious to how cool my hipster supervising attorney (and frequent yalestar contributor) truly is. In short, rock n' roll billboardism has its perks. Second, I have a strange affinity for lawn-mowing. It's not so much for weed-control or keeping up with the joneses' petty lawn expectations; I guess the greatest post-mowing benefit I enjoy is a more managable arena for frisbee sports. I think that more than anything I love simple processes that yield immediate gratification (dish-washing and vacuuming offer similar rewards). In law school you attend largely boring classes and toil over large, and largely boring, reading assignments for an entire semester without receiving any feedback indicative of the quality of your work. Instead, the prevailing practice allots a measly three hours for each class at the end of the semester in which students must demonstarte (with furious efficiency) what they may (or may not) have learned over the previous four months. By contrast, lawn-mowing takes all of a couple of hours after which millions of blades of grass bow in simultaneous submission, quietly attesting to the effectiveness of your efforts. That might explain my strange behavior in Nashville last summer when some close friends of mine decided to trade in their old, rusty mower (which pre-dated sanscrit) for a shiny, new, red and black, 6hp Craftsman. Whenever their lawn displayed the slightest hint of shagginess I'd skip out of work early (when I knew the house would be vacant), gas up the Craftsman, and mow the bejesus out of their lawn without permission. They'd come home to find me sipping whiskey on the back porch, smiling over my subjects in lordly contentment. Sometimes they even thanked me. "Hey, no problem. Want to throw frisbee?"

- Hughligan November 30, 2003 16:53