It was not a press conference. Helen Thomas white house correspondent since Eisenhower flat out said, the whole thing was canned. He had a list of reporters names to call on, and the questions asked were preapproved. That is fascism my friends.

I have a similar thing, only as near as I can tell, it has nothing to do with people, but with places. I used to wonder why when I go out, I am pretty much content to go repeatedly to the same goddamn bar/restaurant/porn store. I'm "place" introverted (Perhaps Smetanka can dig up a 29-letter Nordic term for this). I strive to hang at such few places that they know my "usual". Coffee, water, breakfast burrito at the Cafe on the Square. Double highball at the Showdown. Sure, I meet up with someone or other when I go out, but rarely at some new and exciting joint in Austin. It's my secret fear that I'll be dragged to some joint where the jukebox is sucky and loud or the wait for beverage is grievous and cruelly based on one's hep-quotient (which is, like, fuggin' standard in cooler-than-thou clubs in Austin).

On our fearless leader: it's time to get scared. He's been wildly underestimated his whole political career, with lefties everywhere somehow expecting that yer average idjit doesn't recognize his malapropisms at all, let alone the fact that they betray the detailed and nuanced thinking of a piece of toast. I cannot believe the lack of leadership on opposing this war. Fucking Democrats! The whole thing's so downright un-American (pre-emptive war!?), there's hardly a political downside to challenging it.

...somehow expecting that yer average idjit doesn't recognize...

Der...uh, makes more sense as: "...somehow expecting yer average idjit to recognize..."

Yale, you got to an "edit comment" feature. ..a guy gets worked up, types nonsense, and presses Submit and there's no turning back. Harsh.

I can't help fantasizing about what kind of a world we'd be living in if Nadar was President~ah, to dream. The following is a letter from Kurt Vonnegut which I think relates nicely to the topic of Bush and his "faith-based" war-mongering. Enjoy!

One wishes that those who have taken over our federal government, and hence the world, by means of a Mickey Mouse coup d'etat, and who have disconnected all the burglar alarms prescribed by the Constitution, which is to say the House and Senate and the Supreme Court and We the People, were truly Christian. But as William Shakespeare told us long ago, "The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose."

And what remains the best-kept secret from the Second World War, because it is so embarrassing, is that Hitler was a Christian, and that his swastika was a Christian cross made of axes, an apt symbol of a political party for Christians of the working class. And there were simpler, unambiguous crosses on all Hitler's tanks and planes.

Again: One wishes, for the sake of the whole planet, that the people in and around the White House nowadays truly mean it when they say, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," and that they respect as children of God the losers, the nobodies so loved by Jesus in the Beatitudes, in His Sermon on the Mount: the poor in spirit, they that mourn, the meek, the merciful, the peace makers and so on.

But such is obviously not the case. George W. Bush smirks and gloats unmercifully as he boasts of his readiness to loose more than a hundred cruise missiles, what I call "Timothy McVeighs," into the midst of the general population of Iraq, nearly half of whom are children, little boys and girls under the age of 15.

His domestic policies, whose viciousness is peewee in comparison with what he is so eager to do to foreigners who don't look like him and talk like him, who don't have names like his, nonetheless inflict pain on those Americans of the sort enumerated in the Beatitudes, by depriving them of decent health care and educations, and of food, shelter and clothing when times are bad. It seems quite possible that his opinion of the American people has been formed while watching the Jerry Springer Show, which is Republican propaganda of the most pernicious kind.

But America was certainly hated all around the world long before this coup d'etat. And we weren't hated, as George W. Bush would have it, because of our liberty and justice for all. We are hated because our corporations have been the principal deliverers and imposers of new technologies and economic schemes that have wrecked the self-respect, the cultures of men, women and children in so many other societies.

It's that simple.

What are we to do when confronted by such hatred? Respond to Code Red and run around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Damnation, that's a great spiel there, "WWKD". And I empathize with your Nader fantasy. It seems that most of middle America finds smart people like Ralphie very threatening. If you ever tune into any of that accursed conservative talk radio, you hear them routinely lambasting "elite liberal intellectuals." These people are terrified of the slightest bit of complexity or of fuzzy logic.

Henderstone, I have reverse place introversion, where as soon as I've visited a place long enough for them to know my "usual," it's time for me to switch places. I think this somehow ties into how discomfiting it is to me when a checkout person at a grocery store comments on the stuff I'm buying. It happened just last week: the checker looked over my array of dry goods and said, "Hmmm, looks like somebody's making lasangne tonight, huh?" That freaks me the fuck out. ('What's she gonna say next week when I'm buying frozen hot dogs, K-Y Jelly, clothespins, and a copy of Muscle Mag? "Hmmm, looks like somebody's got a bizarre homoerotic fantasia planned tonight!")

I prefer to remain as anonymous as humanly possible with people with whom I have only a customer/server relationship. Which isn't to say that I'm unfriendly to them, shit no. Indeed, Yale Kaul has an immutable rule about being almost sickeningly polite to all service workers. This probably warrants a whole new topic someday, but how much does it suck when your dining companions are dicks to the waitstaff? Holy shit in a soda glass, I hate that. Certain of my relatives (actually, most of them) are, like most people, of the mind that waiters are there to serve you and don't deserve to be spoken to politely. Around Xmas I watched in stark horror at a Red Lobster (not my idea) as one of my relatives, mouth full of food, hoisted up his plate and grunted "more shrimp" without even turning to acknowledge the waiter.

My friend Hank's wife used to be a waitress at Zimorino's and says her favorite is when she walks up to a new table and says hi and the guy grunts, "Coffee." Fuck, I wouldn't last five minutes as a waiter before I'd be throwing silverware at customers from across the room.

How'd I get on this topic?

Christ on a Cross, I have never been more fearful of a member of our government as I have been of G.W. He makes Reagan look like Chevy Chase. I said it in the fall of 2000 and I'll say it again: Bush is going to lead us right into WWIII. I can't even fucking stand to see his face long enough to watch a press conference. Chilling. And, yes, I am one of those lefty elitists who voted for Nader. It was my first time ever voting, and I still stand by my choice.

As for reading while eating: I'll read the ingredients on a can of pork and beans if I have to. Some people have to read while they crap; I have to read while I eat. The other night, I was at my dad's for dinner. He hates it when I try to read at the table. On this night, he had left his USA Today on the table, with the corner of the business section peeking out from under a stack of other junk at the opposite end of the table. I was so desperate for the printed word that during dinner, I strained one eye trying to read the paper while simultaneously trying to carry on a conversation with my dad. He finally figured it out and was pissed! He treats me like I'm some kind of hopelessly addicted, depraved word fiend. Sheesh.

you know when you say something to a dog in a particular tone of voice, and they cock their heads from side to side?

Like a cow staring at a new gate, as my old man would say.

I hate that W motherfucker. I wobble between deep deep denial and utter terror at what he's doing to this country and the rest of the world. WWKD has placed here for us one of the best summations of the situation I've read anywhere, and has my thanks for that. Norman Mailer recently made an appearance in LA, and stated flatly that we are in a pre-fascist America, and I tend to agree with him and our man Stetsasonic. Cinch it up, brothers and sisters. Dark times are on the horizon.

I enjoy checking out the website www.alternet.org every so often. It's quite informative if you're looking to get the real story and not the corporate news/media spoon-fed versions. In fact, it's where the letter from KV was taken. Last month they had an article entitled, "Surreal News" which was quite hysterical. So, jumping to the present day, I see this ridiculous story on Yahoo "French Fries Get New Name in Congress."
So check out these 2 snip-its from the stories. Hard to tell which is made up and which is true, oui?

"Show the flag and pass the ketchup was the order of the day in House cafeterias Tuesday. Lawmakers struck a lunchtime blow against the French and put "freedom fries" on the menu. And for breakfast they'll now have "freedom toast." The name changes follow similar actions by restaurants around the country protesting French opposition to the administration's Iraq war plans."

"The anti-French fervor is still building within the Bush Administration over France's opposition to a preemptive strike on Iraq. Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the US House of Representatives, called for an embargo on French wine. President Bush was so furious at the French that he ordered the removal from the White House movie theater of Looney Tunes cartoons featuring Pepe Le Pew, the amorous and suave, albeit odiferous, skunk. Laura Bush later rescinded that order purportedly because she relies heavily on the Looney Tunes character to get the President "in the mood."

The Department of Defense is also considering changing the pronunciation of "Green Berets," also known as the U.S. Army Special Forces. The new official pronunciation of "berets" will rhyme with "parrots," and will be keeping with the way that the President pronounces most funny-sounding foreign words."

We are so fucked.

I've recently re-read 1984 and I daresay that Georgie O. hit the nail on the head, eerily foreshadowing our current pathetic state of affairs. Remember the 3 slogans in Big Brother's Oceania?
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
It seems to me that Shrub and his cronies have been attempting to instill all of these "doublethink" ideas into the heads of the American people since he bribed, threatened and cheated his way into office. And, unfortunately, the last I heard about 66% of the American people are for bombing the shit out of Iraq, hoping to hit Saddam in the process. But, as I've said before and I'll say again...people are sheep.

Here's a good one, in a bad way:

http://alternet.org/story.html?StoryID=15207

I'll read the ingredients on a can of pork and beans if I have to

And here I thought I was the only one who did that! I've been known to read a sugar packet over and over in the absence of anything else to read. Does it bother you when other people in restaurants aren't reading? It really vexes me to see people in restaurants that are just looking around while eating. I could never do that.

And Quizbot, I must ask you: what's your policy on loud eaters? I have a severe dislike (borderline panic/anxiety) of being able to hear people eating. Sometimes it becomes all-consuming. Circa '92 I was riding in a car with a then-girlfriend. She was eating a piece of pizza and doing so very audibly. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I asked if I could have a bite of it, and threw it out the window instead. That little stunt didn't go over too well, as you might imagine. I would even go so far to say that we broke up in large part because I couldn't handle her eating noises.

And now Glenda can barely bring herself to go to movies with me 'cause I'm such a basket case. I have to have the aisle seat, and there can be no other moviegoer within a ten-foot radius of me. And then in that eerie silence between previews when I can hear people rustling candy wrappers and crunching popcorn, I'm in complete anxiety-ridden agony. Once the movie starts, I'm fine, but it's that pre-movie time that is so freaky for me.

I would give ANYTHING to not be afflicted with this shit. And, at age 31, I'm starting to realize that I'm probably not going to be able to change the whole world's eating or movie-going habits. So I'm starting to think seriously about talking to a shrink about it.

Amy Jo: you're right on about the prescience of Señor Orwell. The guy's a fucking soothsayer, I tell you. There's a book of his essays (whose name escapes me at the moment) that has other examples of unbelievable foreshadowing.

And does anyone else find this simian-like French-bashing to be bewilderingly stupid? All over Denver I keep seeing marquee signs that say shit like "No French Food Served Here" and so forth.

You know, I'm plauged by tiny anxieties, but loud eating is not one of them. I was recently having a meal in a restaurant with my sister and a friend. After they took the menus away, there was nothing to read, so we were forced to conversate. Apparently, my sis and I both burped mid-sentence without acknowledging it or even realizing it, truth be told. (We live together and think nothing of walking around the house, letting 'em rip whenever the urge strikes.) He finally put down his fork and said, "Uh, are you guys even cognizant of the fact that you burp while you talk and then keep right on going?" He thought it was really rude. So I suppose I'm not one to notice a person's eating volume.

And while we're on the topic of this "freedom fries" merde--I'm primarily of French Canadian descent. Should I be worried about the Feds shipping me off to an internment camp soon?

My friend Hank's wife used to be a waitress at Zimorino's and says her favorite is when she walks up to a new table and says hi and the guy grunts, "Coffee." Fuck, I wouldn't last five minutes as a waiter before I'd be throwing silverware at customers from across the room.

All this waiter/essing talk hearkens me back to the scene in Fast Times At Ridgemont High where the dude in the Santa Claus suit is sitting in the pizza restaurant, and as Miss hot-to-trot Jennifer Jason Leigh slides up he grumbles, "How fuckin' long do I have to wait?"

This whole anti-French thing has me so fired up I don't know where to start. It is the ultimate in hypocritical bullshit (how many environmentally-centered UN resolutions has the US shot down in the last few years?), and it is just so embarassing to be an American right now.

What I hate even more are all these nitwits that think Fox News is the ultimate in unbiased reporting. They also think Rush Limbaugh is a pillar of excellence in truthful discourse. Finally, the next person who enters my presence with some stupid French joke is going to be asked, "What is my last name?" "Um, La Tray, right?" "That's right -- " BOOOOM!! Judo kick to the groin.

By the way, Yale -- with all of the general social insecurities we share, I'm pretty sure you and I were separated at birth or something.

And someone mentioned reading on the john? I actually must spend my time in text-driven fashion not only while shoving food in one end, but also while pressing it out the other. This function never occurs all at once; i.e., I never read a comic book while eating a turkey leg while sitting on the shitter. That would be gross.

I never read a comic book while eating a turkey leg while sitting on the shitter. That would be gross.

Hee hee. Glenda got really freaked out last week when she found out that I'd been eating tortilla chips while on the shitter. I insisted that I hardly ever eat on the terlet, but she's not having it. Now she's been telling her co-workers about it too. Great.

Reading while crapping is a must. I cannot concieve of crapping without reading something. There are many books that I've read entirely in the "coiling shack." However, there are times when it's an emergency and I'm in a mall or something and there's nothing to read, so I'm forced to read the contents of my wallet. Let's just say I know my driver's license like the back of my hand. I'm thinking about printing articles in really small fonts and folding them up and keeping them in my wallet for just such occasions.

Moreover, one of my primary reasons for wanting a laptop is so I can browse the web on the terlet. I can think of no greater pleasure than combining these two activities, much like George Costanza combining eating with sex. Then I'll make a sign for the bathroom door that says:

"If there's a phone cord running 'neath the door,
Don't be knockin' no more"

Lookie here, people. I'm not utterly convinced that this French bashing is entirely meritless. I do live in as liberal place as your likely to find outside of your major metropolii, so maybe it would be much more annoying if I lived somewhere else, but firk, I mean the French are a fine example of a National Walking Contradiction as you're likely to find. Lest we stray off topic, allah forbid, and talk about something other than imminent Iraq invasion, we might check France's rather spotty engagement record. Why, right now they're mightily involved in some convoluted tribal scuttle to protect the West African Francophonie in Cote D'Ivoire. Elf is a French national oil giant that has all sorts of holdings and as shady an history of 'involvement' as you're likely to find anywhere. Yet, Chirac has no problem taking the moral high ground with EU hopefuls who may actually supporting Hussein. Good for you, Bulgaria.

I'm honestly not entirely convinced it's a bogus cause. Certainly it's a mighty complex question, and if you're opposed to war, then you don't like any of it. I respect the opinion that a peaceful solution can be had, but I also doubt much peace will be coming Joe Average Iraqi's way any time soon under Hussein's regime. I am opposed to war, but in terms of the efficacy and "Americanness" of a preemptive war I default to our involvement in Yugoslavia. That was as 'morally justified' cause as you'll find and we ultimately ended the wholesale slaughter of Kosovars. American Interest in that place was as close to nil as you'll find. I see dozens of similarities to what's currently going on. Clinton was just a much better politician.

When we stick to one tier arguments you can only lose. That said, I think we have reason to pressure that regime to change itself. If massing troops in Kuwait forces them to account for weapons that's great. Saddam Hussein hasn't responded a bit to 12 years of sanctions.

"Yet, Chirac has no problem taking the moral high ground with EU hopefuls who may actually supporting Hussein's removal." is what that should say.

Things that are way more important than Iraq right now:

1) Energy deregulation and all associated white collar crime.

2)Afghanistan.

3) 75 million Amerikans without health insurance.

4) The attack on our constitution by John "god" Ashcroft.

5) Public Education.

6) N. Korea

In short, fuck Iraq, who cares, the guy has been minimized for 12 years, we managed to contain the USSR for 50 years, can anyone seriously argue that Iraq is/was a bigger threat than Stalin or Kruchev?

The french: Financed the American revolutionary war, and blockaded the British navy utlimately allowing the birth of our nation. The french also financed the Union in the civil war. Meaningless ignorant cultural bashing serves no creditable purpose. AND, french chicks are flat out hot.

Some meaningful, informed culture-bashing: I am hard pressed to find a more overrated culture than the French. I'm not saying it's an utterly for-shit country, just wildly overrated.

To whit: Two painters (Van Gogh was NOT French) and that's about it. Ireland has had more quality writers than the French, likewise the Germans with philosophers, Americans with musicians/filmakers, Russians with novelists...and all of the above EXCEPT the French (and the Irish, I dunno) also have real boss painters and composers in their respective stables. Fuck Sartre and Camus. And I'll blow milk out my nose if anyone even mentions "de Sade". You might as well extoll Terrence Trent D'Arby...

Their aid in the American Revolution was purely anti-English and wouldn't have happened if not for the charms of Franklin and Jefferson. And in the intervening years between that and the civil war? A spike in beheadings, and a campaign to conquer Europe terminating at Waterloo.

Arguably, the only other people on the planet who are more self-satisfied were born in Texas. But that's another discussion...

I think that whether the French helped us out in the Revolutionary War and their reasons for doing so is pretty immaterial right now. The parameters of national allegiances are bound to change over time. I mean, shit, we could cobble together examples of French good deeds or bad deeds throughout history to make the argument either way. Sure we're supposed to (via UN) work together on shit, but I don't think the fact that they won't lend their unconditional support just 'cause Bush tells them to is much cause for re-establishing their national suckhood retroactively and into perpetuity.

I mean, I kinda have the feeling that, as a nation, we're the figurative overweight, has-been, loudmouth jock of the world, foisting our junk culture, over-consumption, and (as Vonnegut put it) economic schemes on the rest of the world. Then we're genuinely surprised and mystified when resentment rears its head as terrorism (which is not to say we "asked for it," by the way), then act all indignant when our historical allies don't jump at the chance to help get us out of trouble.

I wonder if the Meatmen will re-release their 1986 song "French People Suck" to avail themselves of this key market?

As if there aren't enough blatantly obvious reasons for NOT bombing innocent Iraqi civilians (while Saddam waits it out safe and sound in the several miles of underground bunkers that are essentially nuclear-bomb resistant), check out who else thinks it's a bad idea:

{In a speech at Tufts University, Bush Senior took the unprecedented step of criticizing his son's foreign policy -- but without mentioning his name. The message: drop the lone cowboy act. The Times (U.K.) reports that Bush advised the
administration to mend bridges with allies and warned that the lack of UN support may jeopardize hopes for peace in the Middle East. He said, “You've got to reach out to the other person. You've got to convince them that long-term friendship
should trump short-term adversity."

Better still, the ex-president also acknowledged the weaknesses in Bush Jr.'s case for war: "He said that the key question of how many weapons of mass destruction Iraq held 'could be debated.' The case against Saddam was 'less clear' than in 1991, when Mr Bush Sr. led an international coalition to expel invading Iraqi troops from Kuwait. Objectives were 'a little fuzzier today,' he added."}

As far as examples of "Walking Contradictions" go, let's take a better look at Cheney (just one of many fine examples in the white house that we could choose from). During the Gulf War, he called Saddam "Hitler revisited." Soon thereafter, while the CEO of Halliburton, he was just fine with selling Iraq $73 Million for equipment and such to rebuild their oil industry after we bombed the shit out of it (which he, of course, denied having any involvement in during the 2000 election campaign). AND, Cheney was lobbying for an end to UN sanctions against Saddam in 2000, right before his retirement package from Halliburton ($34 mil). But, wait folks~it doesn't end there! This time around, Cheney's pals at Halliburton are frothing at the mouth at the prospect of of $2 BILLION dollars worth of profit in re-building Iraq's oil industry after we bomb the shit out of them again. The carousel keeps spinning and greedy pigs keep profiting from the deaths of innocent people.

Yep, GOD BLESS AMERICA. Pass the Freedom Fries!

french chicks are flat out hot.

Best damn argument for dropping the France-bashing, hands down. I would go so far as to add that hot German chicks are made more hotter when they speak French.

Spotted on a bumper sticker in my workplace parking lot just now:

"George W. Bush: America's Last President"

Yale's sticker sighting reminds of a clever one from Columbus Day, 1992. I remember a teeshirt with a sideways outline of our fair continent and the line: USA Out of North America Now!

I think the French have the most important stuff down pretty well: Sex and Food, not necessarily in that order.

When it comes to art and lit, there's just no accounting for taste, so whatever. But I am one American who is grateful to have a prominent foreign government or two telling our neocon xenophobe "President" to pull back on the reigns for a minute.

Drink enough cognac, and I bet a Russian weightlifter chick will even seem hotter if she purrs to you in French. . . .

I just wanted to backtrack to Yale's very personal disclosures around his ocular-oral-anal rituals. While reading this, and for a time thereafter, all I could think was "Wowzers! Glenda must be VERY patient!" Did you say she was a special ed teacher? That'd explain it :)

Although many people have such preferences, (ie. reading while eating or crapping, aisle seat), it seems that if these scenarios are not doable~like having to chat over dinner instead of read, or sit in the middle of the aisle~it causes you a significant amount of distress. Everyone has silly quirky habits, but it's once they start to be a problem (for whatever reason) that you may want to talk with someone. Just a thought...

And now for trivia:
Who said, "The spectacle of the United States, armed with
its weapons of mass destruction, acting without Security Council
authority to invade a country in the heartland of Arabia and, if
necessary, use its weapons of mass destruction to win that battle, is something that will so deeply violate any notion of fairness in this world that I strongly suspect it could set loose forces that we would deeply live to regret?" He was also the one who said, "One power, with a president who has no foresight and who cannot think properly, wants to plunge the world into a holocaust."