Lite Brite
So I'm giving serious thought to changing my name. I've always hated my name with the heat of a thousand suns, but changing it always seemed like a big hassle. But I'm finding that lately it makes me cringe just hearing someone say my name.
Another pain in the ass is that it seems to be too difficult for some people to spell. I recently was told that at a workplace celebration in honor of September birthdays, the sheet cake had my name spelled Yaul Kaul. I threw a little fit the next day when I was told about it, because really, who the hell would be named Yaul Kaul? It's really not that hard to spell, and it's perfectly phonetic too.
Another thing that happens with alarming frequency is when I'm asked to spell my name. I'd say probably 83% percent of the time, I spell it K-A-U-L and the person will write down C-A-U-L.
So I'm thinking that I can change my name through what they call "common usage" instead of going through the whole legal rigamarole. We all know people who use a different name than their given first name, so it's not really that unusual. What's hanging me up is that I can't decide on a name. I'd like something normal like John or Steve, but something weird and ethnic would be cool. I've always thought that Finnish names sound really cool, and I could probably credibly pass for a Finn. Though taking on a foreign name does nothing to solve the spelling difficulty.
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It's high time we broach the topic of light guys, i.e. the guys who are in charge of lights at rock shows. Of all the vocations that deserve immediate expurgation, this has got to be at the top of the list. What a fucking low-rent, superfluous line of work that is. Here you got guys (always; this line of work and its attendant character flaws preclude the likelihood of any sane female doing this work) with all of the arrogance and lordliness that typifies sound guys, but with none of the actual purpose.
Sound guys, as you music-playin' types know, are almost universally endowed with a certain personality type, you know, that surly bartender/drug dealer/guitar-store jerkoff hybrid disposition, the type of person that thinks it's neat to be extremely confrontational and will go to impressive lengths to make things exponentially more difficult than they need to be. Just say the word "sound guy" to any touring musician and you'll be treated to a highly entertaining string of vituperative recollections about various sound guys around the country.
However, as much as I hate to admit it, sound guys actually serve an important purpose and have a lot of sway over how well your show will go. It's important to arrange your soundcheck after the sound guy's meth injection but before he starts drinking whiskey, or he'll get all bitchy and screw up your mix.
Light guys, conversely, serve no discernible purpose on the planet (and yes, I realize that often the sound guy and the light guy are the same person). When I go to a show, I go to (hopefully) attain some sort of harmonious sensory convergence occasioned by exactly two things: the visual experience of watching the band and the aural experience of hearing them. It pisses me off when there are a bunch of distracting light flickerings and shit going on. Turning a colored light on and off repeatedly does not heighten the experience whatsoever. Maybe at a roller rink I could withstand the disco ball, but at a rock show, I want my visual experience unsullied by pointless light-trickery.
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Other fun times:
CPR, our local public radio affiliate, has this ad they've been running for the past year or so. It goes something like this:
"Some listeners pledge their support during our semi-annual fundraising drives, and we cannot thank them enough. But some listeners give in a different way: did you know you can donate the car, truck, boat, or RV they don't want any more? It's easy; someone comes to pick it up, and you get to continue to support the programming you love."
Though we are diehard public radio devotees and supporters, the wife and I get a big hoot out of them offering to let us donate a car. Sometimes in moments of levity, we like to come up with our own offers, such as:
"Did you know you can donate one or more of your limbs to Colorado Public Radio?"
"You could donate your first born, or sell your spouse into slavery or prostitution, and pledge the proceeds to Colorado Public Radio!"
"Some of our listeners pledge online, but you might consider going to the bank, withdrawing your savings, and schlepping a big bag of unmarked cash to our offices. Or you could convert your 401k to a charitable contribution!"
"Did you know that some listeners get a second job and have their wages garnished and donated directly to Colorado Public Radio? It's so easy, and it means more of the programming you love."
"Embezzlers are rarely caught. That's why corporate theft provides a great opportunity to divert funds from your deep-pocketed employer and turn it into radio you enjoy."
Also CPR-related: you may have heard the voice of our homeboy Dan Drayer on NPR lately. Dan was, until a couple months ago, the host of Colorado Matters, the local-issues interview show. I have on many occasions decreed Dan Drayer to be the best interviewer in the world, but then he up and left, saying he wanted to do something else. But imagine my surprise when that "something else" turned out to be doing news for the national bureau! I congratulate Dan heartily, but I have to wonder how reading dry-as-a-popcorn-fart news copy is more fun than interviewing everyone from local slimeballs like Tom Tancredo to the Huerfano County Whistling Champion.
Speaking of radio, if your town is anything like mine, you'd rather drink from the dick of a goat than be subjected to commercial radio for any period of time exceeding about ten minutes. But I routinely tune into one of the talk radio stations to get a traffic report before embarking on my oft-excruciating commute, and I never cease to be dumbfounded by how relentlessly irritating those stations are.
The one thing that just saps my will to live is that thing where they do the station ID, and they say the call letters and then they have to have like six more people say the letters with various voice processing effects applied. One time with the phaser effect, overlap that with some guy sounding like he's yelling through a megaphone, then some girl voice flying in from the left channel to the right. Just kill me.
While I'm kvetchin', I may as well address another really bothersome thing, and that is when you call some customer service thing and they make you say things into the phone. Was there something wrong with the (nearly foolproof) way of doing it before, where you just use the number pad?
This new thing forces me to subject my co-workers to me grunting into the phone:
"Yale"
"Yes"
"Colorado"
"Goiter"
"Excellent"
"Yes"
I think "Kevin Kaul" has a nice, non-confrontational ring to it. It is only slightly gay, not unlike yourself. (I kid!!!) "Kaleb Kaul" sounds kinda cool and macho, almost a baseball player's name.
Colt Kaul -- Pure cowboy
- Dick Drink October 10, 2005 12:36Kier Kaul -- Lumberjacky, but not too
Kandler Kaul -- Mogul in the making
Kip Kaul -- Ready to drive the Sea-Doo
Kerry Kaul -- Have mullet, will travel
Kelly Kaul -- Three feet tall
What's the obsession with the KK names, you ask? I dunno, it just seems fitting.
Kobra Kaul -- My other car is a BMX
Kofi Kaul -- My parents were in the Peace Corps
Kwame Kaul -- That's right, bitches
Oooooo...this could be like the contests zoos hold when a new baby animal needs to be named! We could choose Yale's, ahem...I mean Kwame's new name!
Kwame, if you're lookking for names that both easily fit on a cake and are tough to misspell, then you should consider the 3-4 letter/single vowel combos-
Bert
Herb
Bud
Mort
Bill
Ed
...you get the idea.
Or, if you want to leave it to chance (a defintely not obtain a name that will fit on a cake), go here .
- Brave Dave October 10, 2005 13:53I love a good light show at a rock show. Seen some pretty cool ones over the years too with video and lasers and whatnot. Metallica, Slayer, Pink Floyd come to mind.
On a personal note Yale: you know our man Robert Francis Zuuring is a pro lighting director and has been for years, most often with Robert Cray Band , but he also does Yes when they tour, I must share your comments with him for a thoughtful and respectful retort.
- stets October 10, 2005 14:54Given any thought to Chibbles? Kind of long for a cake, but in the deft hands of a Buttrey cake decorator it should'nt be a problem. Either that or Jaun.
- Ferd Kourage October 10, 2005 18:39Yale Cougar Mellencamp
- Mary Jo Butterworth October 10, 2005 20:14I must share your comments with him for a thoughtful and respectful retort
No. wait! Please don't tell Rob I fucking blithely ran down his entire livelihood. Not just yet anyway. I changed my mind about that. I'm thinking now that all that vitriol I spewed was misdirected. I'm now thinking that what I was really pissed off about was the fact that I was just watching a Primus DVD ("Hallucino-Genetics") last weekend, and I really wanted to watch the drummer 'cause I love watching drummers, but every time they cut to him, the lights would go dim. And even for the whole-band shots, the light guy kept dicking with the lights, flickering them off and on. Probably cool if you were there, but on a DVD it's just irritating.
I also realized about three days after writing, what, 3000 words on how much I hate Left Lane Laws, that I'm actually in favor of the law, and what was really happening was that I just don't want to be associated with
Not to get all Dr. Phil on your asses, but I tell ya, it's always a challenge to separate that which I talk shit about from that which is really bugging me.
- Coug Kaul October 11, 2005 07:16That ding-dang Baby Renamer is rad! I could do that all day...
Orn Raleigh Kaul
Shiloh Channer Kaul
Virendra Alvin Kaul
Zasha Tanay Kaul
Mort Lindsey Kaul
Tarachand Nye Kaul
Madison Slone Kaul
Rigg Gus Kaul
Colum Tex Kaul
Winter Ivan Kaul
and my favorite... Dong Rad Kaul
I particularly love the "TRADITIONAL" setting on that generator; it never fails to deliver one of those pukey NewEconomy baby names that you hear so often in public. Why just this week on RadioZero they were talking about going to some pumpkin patch, and all you could hear was "Madison, come here! Cheyenne, come here! Chandler, come here! Tanner, come here!", etc. I had the same experience when I went to Colorado's Ocean Journey a few months ago. Downright surreal is what it was.
By the way, when people name their kid Chandler, is it usually a tribute to the Friends guy?
- Kenelm Balthasar Kaul October 11, 2005 07:17Kwame Kaul
Doesn't Detroit have a new mayor named Kwame?
In other name developments, for the past year I've been collecting the names of senders of spam. There's one outfit in particular that I guess has some sort of algorithm that concatenates random English words to form names, and they're often really funny. I've collected about 4500 so far, but haven't really figured out what to do with them yet. Anyway, here they are... BEHOLD
- Jeremiah Dooley Kaul October 11, 2005 07:17New mayor? Chile, he about to be voted the fuck out of office! Some say worst mayor ever. Freman Hendrix is his likely replacement. He's a pretty damn good candidate, too. Funny thing, though -- at a recent debate, Kwame kept saying, "Nobody in my family has ever been to jail. Can you say the same thing? Huh? Can you?!?" And Hendrix is just looking at him like, oh-kay, what is this dude trying to prove? And sure enough, I hear on the news this morning that Hendrix's son just got arrested for domestic assault. Sounds like somebody called in a favor!
From Kwame's campaign commercial:
"It's been said that I'm too immature, arrogant and yes, even a thug. There's the lie that a disgraceful party was held at the Manoogian Mansion, where my wife and children live. [Note: This was the debauchfest in which the stripper he hired to entertain him later went public with the tale. Not long after, she turned up dead -- shot, execution style, in an abandoned parking lot.] And then yes, there are my own mistakes -- like the infamous red Navigator and the credit card issues that have helped to fuel this image.
"Some say these issues question my ability to be a good mayor. Detroit, I've made some mistakes, and I'm sorry if those mistakes hurt anyone. But I have never disrespected the office of mayor or Detroit's citizens.
"Despite some mistakes, I have stood strong. I've stood strong and remained focused on the oath that I took. I'm looking forward to talking to you during this campaign about the real Kwame Kilpatrick and the real Detroit."
Did I mention he often refers to himself in the third person?
Thank you for asking about Detroit politics. It is an infinitely interesting topic. For your reading pleasure, if I can working this linking device properly: http://www.freep.com/news/locway/kilp3e_20050503.htm
- M. Mathers October 11, 2005 10:43I've always liked the look of Dutch names, and I think one of the shorter ones would make a good fit with your short, bluntish surname:
Zef Kaul
Wim Kaul
Pim Kaul
Sjaak Kaul
Stijn Kaul
Freek (short form of Frederick) Kaul
Maas Kaul
Ruud Kaul
Piet Kaul
Jos Kaul
Joep Kaul
Jaap Kaul
Kees Kaul
Faas Kaul
Huub Kaul
Bas Kaul
Bram Kaul
Choosing a Finnish name would only condemn you to spelling out two or three times your current number of letters for the rest of your life, but my pal Miikka would be glad to rechristen you with one if you like. When Volumen went to Finland, he gave them all Finnish names. And from ages 18 to 21 I was Antti Pauli Suominen (as stated on my fake ID) every time someone wanted something from an (American) liquor store.
- jaap t'hooft October 11, 2005 11:57Speaking of Primus and cool light shows, I saw Primus last year here in Seatown. They did a tour with with Tim Herb alexander, the Orig Drummer, that included a second set of the entire Frizzle Fry album. They had a ton of intellibeams or as Rockin Rob calls em: Squiggle lights, set up.
Anyhooch 1/2 way in Herb does a drum solo and they had his entire kit triggered and interfaced with the squiggle lights, and hes all kickin ass and all theses cool shapes and colors are in synch with each individual drum being played, it was quite cool.
I love Primus.
- stets October 11, 2005 13:25Here's somebody who's seen some magic lightshows (and one of the best guitar performances of all time): Linked Text
- Thurston Wow October 11, 2005 14:20I saw Primus open for The Pixies and Janes Addiction hway back hwen. I have hated them with enduring passion ever since.
Yale, if you don't change your name to Colt I am going to kill myself.
- Chaz October 11, 2005 17:38My cross to bear with my name is that I can never just say "Karla." I always have to say "Karla with a K." In other name related stories, I was once introduced to a French man, who said to me "Karla. What a slutty name." The man happened to be very funny and flamboyant so I laughed. But I have always been puzzled by the comment. It always seemed a rather boring, tame name to me. Not something that says "Porn Star."
Stets--pass on my regards to Rob. I haven't talked to him since high school.
And in Post-Katrina news, Dave just returned from NOLA and things were grim in one section of our house but fine in others. However, the really grim news is that Dave lost all of his vinyl. He worked at a record store for 6 years so that was a lot of vinyl to lose. And we're running away from New Orleans if someone will buy our house. I have a job in DC starting November 1. I'm hoping to run into Bob Mould as he brunches. From his blog, he does that a lot.
- Karlita October 11, 2005 17:50Dave and Karlita,
My most sincere condolences on the loss of the vinyl check out gemm.com . Or better yet when the insurance money kicks in come out to Seatown and we'll go nuts, there are quite a few very cool record shops here as you well know.
Good luck in DC and let me know if you have brunch with HR or Dr. Know as well.
- stets October 12, 2005 15:28Stets,
I think you mean smoke brunch with HR and Dr. Know.
As far as the vinyl goes, it sucked. I had recently hauled out all of my rekkids from an upstairs windowless closet to sort through. Stuff that I thought was potentially eBay-able were left in the upstairs guest bedroom. I had feared the window they were directly beneath would be broken and they all would be ruined, but I got lucky there. Unfortunately, anything that was either un-eBayable and garage-sale material, as well as anything I din't want to get rid of ended up downstairs. In 15 inches of water. My 7" singles were on top of the boxes. Except when the water caused lower boxes to collapse, down they went. Ker-splash.
Sigh.
Dave
p.s. yeah, I might hit GEMM up, but how likely am I to find Behead The Prophet No Lord Shall Live 7"s? Or the Dog Faced Hermanns? Or Mr. Epp & The Calculations?
''Kay. Now I'm getting depressed again.
- Dave Roughs October 13, 2005 10:11I think you should go with "Bruce"
Love,
- Bruce October 17, 2005 04:26Bruce
I just searched the "WHOIS" database - "brucestar.com" is available.
so, Bruce it shall be.... right?
-Bruce
- Bruce October 17, 2005 04:33